Have you ever wondered what kind of monumental badass it would take to intimidate the friggin’ Joker? Well, comic book readers learned the surprising answer to that question in Batman #428 (Winter 1988) by Jim Starlin, Jim Aparo, and Mike DeCarlo.
Oh merde.
So what exactly does Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini have in mind for the Clown Prince of Crime? Tune in later this week, same Bat-Time, same Bat-Channel, as our epic descent into tasteless, dated social commentary continues.
While your range of pick up lines may be limited when you’re a hot dog vendor, that doesn’t mean that you have to make a beeline for most suggestive (and obvious) one.
Just be glad she didn't make the counteroffer of shoving those hot dogs up your sorry ass.
The Lowest Common Denominator Catering Company is sponsored in part by Birds of Prey #68 (August 2004) by Gail Simone, Joe Bennett and Ruy Jose.
While attempting to determine for himself the connection between an attack by the superpowered terrorist Scythe on the city of Monument Point and a World War II black ops raid on a Nazi laboratory in Libya that both he and the Golden Age Green Lantern were involved in, the Golden Age Flash asks the annoyingly cryptic (and incredibly decrepit) Senator Eagin a very pertinent question.
Congratulations, Senator. You’re an utter failure in TWO languages.
No, actually. No it’s not.
First of all, Senator Eagin presumably meant to say “Scythe is the English word for ‘Drachen’.” since the way he’s phrased his sentence here implies that “scythe” is a German word and “drachen” an English one when the exact opposite is true.
Second, “Drachen” has several possible translations. It’s the plural of “dragon”. It’s the proper German word for “kite” or “hang glider”. It’s a condescending slang term for a woman. But it sure as hell doesn’t mean “scythe”. The correct translation of that would be “Sense” (pronounced “sen-seh”).
On an unrelated note, I’m not normally this harsh on a new creative team – Justice Society of America #44 (January 2011) is only the second issue in Mark Guggenheim and Scott Kollins’ run on this title, after all – but their German language failure is matched only by their character interpretation failure. Turning the JSA, of all teams, grim and gritty? Twisting the normally level-headed, likable Jay Garrick into someone all too willing to consider murdering a child and a criminal? Seemingly suggesting that conscience and morality are weaknesses and that the state is infallible and should always be obeyed? Absolutely pathetic, people. Absolutely pathetic.
While the Internet is a wonderful equalizer in that it allows virtually anyone to present themselves to the world, sometimes you need to ask yourself whether online recognition is really in your own best interest. Max Mercury’s former nemesis, the mad scientist Dr. Morlo, apparently failed to raise that question.
I wonder if he also follows Superman's Twitter feed?
This lesson in questionable online decision-making has been taken from the pages of Impulse #31 (November 1997) by William Messner-Loebs, Craig Rousseau, and Barbara Kaalberg.
When you’re out cruisin’ for love, nothing throws the old Pussy Wagon into reverse quite as effectively as the idea of committing statutory rape, something that the following encounter between Green Arrow and a teenage Batgirl well demonstrates.
Your attempt to impress the ladies has FAILED.
This blemish in the Emerald Archer’s little black book has been brought to you by Birds of Prey #109 (October 2007) by Tony Bedard, Nicola Scott, and Doug Hazlewood.
If you need something to be thankful for this year, I’d say that not having Dr. Thaddeus Bodog Sivana as the designated turkey carver at your family’s dinner table most certainly qualifies.
I'd like to see how skillfully he can separate the white meat from the dark meat with that thing...
This holiday message has been brought to you by 52: Week Twenty-Nine (November 22, 2006) by Geoff Johns, Grant Morrison, Greg Rucka, Mark Waid, Keith Giffen, Chris Batista, and Jack Jadson.
When mankind is in danger, you call in the World’s Finest Team. When the World’s Finest Team needs a distraction, they call in Power Girl.
Those're certainly the nicest pair of distractions I've ever seen.
This foolproof stratagem has been brought to you by Superman/Batman #4 (January 2004) by Jeph Loeb, Ed McGuinness, and Dexter Vines.
You know, the fact that Tylerco’s software development team designed an artificial intelligence that looks like jailbait and whose degree of anatomical correctness is inversely proportional to her sense of modesty probably says a lot about them.
Well, that's one way to break the ice at a JSA All-Stars meeting.
This example of softcore software has been brought to you by JSA All-Stars #8 (September 2010) by Matthew Sturges and Freddie Williams II.
Most artificial intelligences in science fiction suffer from the so-called “Pinocchio Syndrome“: a desire to become mortal (or at least to come as close to the human experience as possible). Given that they’re normally also lacking in the sense of humor department, it should come as no surprise that Tylerco’s mischievous next generation A.I. Roxy should have a refreshingly unique perspective on the matter:
I'm not sure about you, but I think our species has just been insulted.
Today’s example of anti-human prejudice has been brought to you by JSA All-Stars #2 (March 2010) by Matthew Sturges and Freddie Williams II.
While paying her respects to Blue Beetle one year after his death in the company of Black Canary, her adoptive daughter Sin, and the Huntress, Oracle makes a rather startling confession to her teammates about her private relationship with the late Ted Kord. Unfortunately, in doing so, she raises a rather interesting question: has “the world’s premier infojock and data specialist supreme” ever used all that computer technology at her disposal for…shall we say…less than noble purposes?
No wonder Black Canary adopted a girl name "Sin".
I choose to respond to Black Canary’s disgusting comment thusly:
Is that an invitation to see my dongle?
This textbook definition of “too much information” comes to your courtesy of Birds of Prey #96 (September 2006) by Gail Simone, Paulo Sequeira, Jerry Ordway, and Robin Riggs.
The Raging Fanboy 