Archive for December, 2010

The Universal Translator: Justice Society of America #44 (January 2011)


While attempting to determine for himself the connection between an attack by the superpowered terrorist Scythe on the city of Monument Point and a World War II black ops raid on a Nazi laboratory in Libya that both he and the Golden Age Green Lantern were involved in, the Golden Age Flash asks the annoyingly cryptic (and incredibly decrepit) Senator Eagin a very pertinent question.

Congratulations, Senator. You’re an utter failure in TWO languages.

No, actually. No it’s not.

First of all, Senator Eagin presumably meant to say “Scythe is the English word for ‘Drachen’.” since the way he’s phrased his sentence here implies that “scythe” is a German word and “drachen” an English one when the exact opposite is true.

Second, “Drachen” has several possible translations. It’s the plural of “dragon”. It’s the proper German word for “kite” or “hang glider”. It’s a condescending slang term for a woman. But it sure as hell doesn’t mean “scythe”. The correct translation of that would be “Sense” (pronounced “sen-seh”).

On an unrelated note, I’m not normally this harsh on a new creative team – Justice Society of America #44 (January 2011) is only the second issue in Mark Guggenheim and Scott Kollins’ run on this title, after all – but their German language failure is matched only by their character interpretation failure. Turning the JSA, of all teams, grim and gritty? Twisting the normally level-headed, likable Jay Garrick into someone all too willing to consider murdering a child and a criminal? Seemingly suggesting that conscience and morality are weaknesses and that the state is infallible and should always be obeyed? Absolutely pathetic, people. Absolutely pathetic.

To Hell With Christmas


In Japan, it apparently wouldn’t be Christmas without a visit from the other jolly fat man in the red suit.

This would never have happened if they'd just hired those dyslexic devil worshippers to create their banners.

These infernal seasons greetings come to you courtesy of Love Hina (ラブひな/Rabu Hina) – Volume 2 (April 16, 1999) by Ken Akamatsu. Happy Holidays, everyone!

Sexting for the Holidays


Tip of the Day: No matter how much of a crush you may have on your teacher, it’s totally inappropriate for you to send him suggestive pictures of yourself. Especially if you’re in the third grade.

I'm pretty sure that's more than enough to qualify for Santa's "naughty" list.

This unconventional holiday greeting has been brought to you by A Child’s Time (こどものじかん/Kodomo no Jikan) – Volume 1 (December 12, 2005) by Kaworu Watashiya.

Death Before Dishonor


Back in 19th century England, gentlemen treated ladies with courtesy and respect. And with good reason. As the following first encounter between Fitzwilliam Darcy and Elizabeth Bennet demonstrates, a lapse in manners can have some, shall we say, potentially unfortunate consequences.

The Klingons have a name for this: foreplay.

This lesson in Regency era etiquette taken from the pages of Pride and Prejudice and Zombies: The Graphic Novel (May 4, 2010) by Jane Austen, Seth Grahame-Smith, Tony Lee, and Cliff Richards.

Move Over, MacGyver


Supervillains have always been a cunning and resourceful lot. But if Qubit and Charybdis are to be believed, it would appear that Modeus is in a class all his own.

Kinda makes you wonder what he could do with an iPad, doesn't it?

This lesson in improvisation has been brought to you by Irredeemable #6 (September 2009) by Mark Waid, Peter Krause, Gene Ha, Dan Panosian, and Jeffrey Spokes.

Strange Moments in Video Gaming – Part 1


The LEGO Universe is a vast place. A vast, kinky place.

You'd better have had BOTH HANDS on the steering wheel and NOT on your "gear shift", matey.

Special thanks to Trina Swank for screenshot help.

The Weird Wide Web – Part 1


While the Internet is a wonderful equalizer in that it allows virtually anyone to present themselves to the world, sometimes you need to ask yourself whether online recognition is really in your own best interest. Max Mercury’s former nemesis, the mad scientist Dr. Morlo, apparently failed to raise that question.

I wonder if he also follows Superman's Twitter feed?

This lesson in questionable online decision-making has been taken from the pages of Impulse #31 (November 1997) by William Messner-Loebs, Craig Rousseau, and Barbara Kaalberg.

Comic Book Sexual Innuendo – Part 17


You know that you’ve found someone special when you can shamelessly come on to each other on the job without anyone catching on.

Who knew that foreplay could involve gunplay?

This guide to workplace flirtation comes to you courtesy of Empowered – Volume 1 (March 2007) by Adam Warren.

A Pregnant Pause


Just when you thought that you’d seen every conceivable way that a supervillain could possibly blackmail superheroes into submission or inaction, the despotic ruler of New Port City, Bomb Queen, comes up with the mother of them all.

I wonder if the stretch marks and morning sickness were worth it...?

This new benchmark in fighting dirty has been brought to you by Bomb Queen: Volume 6 #2 (November 2010) by Jimmie Robinson.

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