Great power and great table manners don’t necessarily go hand in hand.
Well, we can add “super-obnoxiousness”, “super-gluttony”, and “super-burping” to the list of Superman’s lesser-known superpowers.
Today’s dinnertime disaster has been brought to you by Action Comics #266 (July 1960) by Jerry Siegel, Wayne Boring, Jim Mooney, Curt Swan, and Stan Kaye.
Previously, Karl Kerschl brought us Superman‘s cousin, so it seems only fitting that he bring us the big guy himself this time around. Enjoy, everyone! 🙂
Faster than a speeding bullet. More powerful than a locomotive. Possessed of the verbal eloquence of a lust-addled teenage boy.
I’m surprised you didn’t work a wolf whistle in there, pal. 😛
Today’s facepalm-worthy dialogue has been brought to you by Action Comics #5 (October 1938) by Russell Cole, Will Ely, Ken Fitch, Homer Fleming, Gardner F. Fox, Richard Martin, Sheldon Moldoff, Jerry Siegel, Bernard Baily, Sven Elven, Fred Guardineer, Paul Gustavson, Leo E. O’Mealia, George Papp, Fred Schwab, and Joe Shuster.
Don’t just be a douchebag. Be a super douchebag.
Well, that’s one way to strip someone of their dignity.
This guide to the unfortunate consequences of workplace harassment has been brought to you by Action Comics #7 (December 1938) by Gene Baxter, Sven Elven, Will Ely, Ken Fitch, Homer Fleming, Fred Guardineer, Paul Gustavson, Gil Kesson, Richard Martin, Sheldon Moldoff, Jerry Siegel, Bernard Baily, Sheldon Moldoff, George Papp, Fred Schwab, Joe Shuster, and Paul Lauretta.
Just because you have super-patience, doesn’t mean that it’s infinite.
I think we’ve finally found someone more obnoxious than Lena Dunham and Ann Coulter combined.
This case of raw Kryptonian nerves has been brought to you by Action Comics #809 (January 2004) by Joe Kelly, Pascal Ferry, and Cam Smith.
Remember the good old days when private citizens like Bruce Wayne could purchase oil tankers and military surplus just to fuck with Superman’s head?
Ha! I’m pretty sure the environmental damage and massive dose of radiation you all received was worth the shits and giggles.
Today’s nuclear option has been brought to you by World’s Finest Comics #175 (May 1968) by Leo Dorfman, Joseph Samachson, Neal Adams, and Joe Certa.
Superman isn’t defined by the big things he does when everyone’s watching. It’s the little things that most people will never hear about that really matter.
Aww. 🙂
This heartwarming moment courtesy of All-Star Superman #10 (May 2008) by Grant Morrison, Frank Quitely, and Jamie Grant.
Not to be outdone by Canada Post, the Royal Canadian Mint has issued six commemorative coins for Superman’s 75th anniversary.
The way DC’s going, I doubt Superman’s going to last another 75 years.
As was the case with the postage stamps rolls, the coins also contain messages written with the Kryptonian substitution cypher (though these are plainly visible rather than hidden) and differ depending on the denomination.
The top message, which is only present on the 10 Dollar one, simply reads “Superman”. It should be noted, however, that this is only true for the left side of the coin, going clockwise from down to up. In the apparent interest of symmetry, the characters on the right side were simply mirrored and aren’t proper Kryptonian “letters”.
The bottom two messages, which are present on all other denominations, are the same phrase written in Canada’s two official languages, French and English:
75 Years of Superman
Superman: 75 ans déjà
My mother recently purchased a strip of commemorative Canadian Superman postage stamps for the epic purpose of…sending bills.
Who’d have thought that Canada Post would give more of a damn about Superman’s 75th anniversary than DC Comics?
While examining them, however, I noticed a series of strange symbols along the back of the strip that I immediately recognized as Kryptonian. Or, more correctly said, characters from the substitution cypher that DC’s been using to represent Kryptonian in their comics for the past decade or so.
Even though I completely abandoned DC in the wake of the New 52 not-a-reboot-just-a-relaunch debacle, my curiosity was nevertheless piqued, so I visited my local Canada Post outlet to purchase enough of a roll to figure out what the message was. It ended up being a strip that was 33 stamps long and cost around $20.79 CDN.
Still a much better investment than those crappy issues of “Justice League: Cry For Justice” by James Robinson.
So what exactly does it say?
Oh, you want a translation. Right. Well, it’s actually the same message written in both of Canada’s official languages, French and English, and reads:
The “S” shield is more than Superman’s family crest. It’s a Kryptonian symbol that means “hope”.
L’écusson “S” est bien plus que blason de la famille de Superman. Ce symbol signifie “espoir” en kryptonien.
“For the contingent out there who sneer at heroes like Superman and Wonder Woman and Captain America, those icons who still, at their core, represent selfless sacrifice for the greater good, and who justify their contempt by saying, oh, it’s so unrealistic, no one would ever be so noble… grow up. Seriously. Cynicism is not maturity, do not mistake the one for the other. If you truly cannot accept a story where someone does the right thing because it’s the right thing to do, that says far more about who you are than these characters.” – Greg Rucka
Given what happens in the movie Man of Steel, I think it’s time that someone reminded the world about why Superman doesn’t kill and making him grim and gritty is probably the greatest betrayal of everything the character’s come to stand for over the past 75 years. And I know of no better way to do that than the following scene from Action Comics #775 (March 2001) by Joe Kelly, Doug Mahnke, Lee Bermejo, Tom Nguyen, Dexter Vines, Jim Royal, Jose Marzan, Wade Von Grawbadger, and Wayne Faucher.
The Raging Fanboy 